took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
