You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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