ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I will die if light touches me.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Do vagina's smell?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
