I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
