I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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