He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
