dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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