got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
