dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
