i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
