you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
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She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
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There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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