you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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