i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
