I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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