I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
