I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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