im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
