in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
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threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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