Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
