so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I wish there were birth control emojis
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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