i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
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I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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