The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
