You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
