I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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