You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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