I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
