that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
