just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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