hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
