Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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