im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
