I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
