Sry I called you an 8
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
