Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
