Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
