Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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