when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
