i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
