yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
