mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
