I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
