Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
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He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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