We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
