His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just wanna soil my oats bro
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
