shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
