I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
