Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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