Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
