the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The power of my boobs compel you
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
