This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Houston, we have a blender
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
