Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Everything about him screamed your future.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize