New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
