Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
