I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
