worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
