i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
