i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
