Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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