Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
