I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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