The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
