That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
