I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
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And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
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It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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