Cold hands, warm shart.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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