Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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