Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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