some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
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She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
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You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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